Jane Doe
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My Name, My Story

Dogs and MeMy given name is Lisa Gaye Holden. I joined the Air Force shortly after high school. I married young and had two children. I served during ‘Just Cause’ and the first Gulf War. After 11 years we had been apart more than we were together. We divorced, but I kept my married name. As president of my kids’ elementary school PTA I saw how the kids struggled when their parent’s name was different. For my children’s sake I reamined: Lisa Gaye Van Dermark.

Growing up Gaye

Growing-up I heard the pejorative ‘gay,’ all too frequently. Although I didn’t know what it meant, I understood it was bad, really bad. There is a story about naming me that was told by family members that went something like this: When she was born and her father saw her, he named her Lisa Gaye. You will understand why that story matters in just a moment. In fourth grade I had a crush on my best friend. I didn’t know it was a ‘crush’ I just knew I wanted to spend all my time with her. We walked back and forth from her house to mine holding hands everyday. Then one day we heard those ugly names yelled from a passing car: gay, lezzy. Kelly dropped my hand and said, “Eww what are you some lezzy or something?” We didn’t hold hands anymore. Gay? I wondered. I was Gaye, Lisa Gaye. Why did my father do that? How did he know something so horrible about me at birth? I grew to hate gay and lezzy. I internalized homophobia in fourth grade.

Sexuality

Fast forward 30 years: Today I frequently claim lesbian or dyke, less frequently gay. I am an activist. I facilitate a weekly discussion group for and with women who are in the early stages of identifying and coming to grips with their sexuality. I’m good at what I do. I’m funny, articulate, compassionate, and I’ve been there. Sometimes I share that story and it always starts the same way: My given name is Lisa Gaye – and yes I am.